MotherMade

I am fed up!

I am getting super over not being able to post my little captures of imagery... It is like I have them captured and all I want to do is set them free, but they are trapped inside my computer for crying out loud! 

I sent a support message and, well, I am waiting to hear back... Let me just say that if I don't regain the ability to post pictures of all of the fun (and chaos), that I am darn near committing blog suicide! 

I don't want to do it folks, but what is a life with out color, People!?! 

I am and artist (and not the writer kind) I can't go on blogging in black and white forever! I need to SHOW you the magic and terror of this crazy/beautiful world of mine. 

And just how am I suppose to display my new Artwork??? 

In ten words or less???!!!!

It just will not do!

Let's cross our fingers and hope that they send me the power of picture.

 

curses!

Wow... it's almost been a whole month!

Sorry friend-ships, to leave you high and dry and wondering... For nearly a month now.

(Well maybe the picture upload issue is fixed now)

It has been an AWSOME busy month that just blew by!

Let's see here, I was working on a top secret project that I was not at liberty to share with you all just yet, as it was a super secret surprise for my JoMama's (my found mom) 60 birthday! 

It was her Birthday Crown and I was mostly in the studio every chance I got working on it. Cramming as much love into the thing as it could possibly hold... And when you see it you will see that it is most certainly jam packed with the stuff.

LOVE! LOVE! LOVE!

I had everyone in our close family send me one word to describe JoAnnie and then I included everyones word on the crown (I of course got as many words as I wanted--cause apparently I am a princess- and truly, I just couldn't help myself) and decked it out with all kinds of bling and tiny little details, and made it special-er and special-er... Until, well, it was fit for a QUEEN! 

Then it was off to Akumal, Mexico to celebrate JoAnn for the past two weeks!

I will tell you all about it next time...I am feeling like this little nap of Ree's is almost up. The clocks a tickin'

For now I will just say, it was all so amazing! I love our Family- Our village!

Manyana, Manyana!

It's that time again...

when I write about all the flowers of motherhood 

(and I don't leave you any pictures to back up the all of the fowering flourettes of pink posies I bring to you)

This blog site is STILL NOT LETTING ME LEAVE PICTURES! It is not making it as fun for me to spill my flowery little guts out on a regular basis. This is why, my friends it has been a bit spotty on the up post.

Now lets get right into it. 

Today was the second time that I left my son's "cooperative" pre-school with tears steadily streaming down my face.  He is doing it again, the physical out bursts, hitting, grabbing (hard), pushing, even a bite today (that was a first)... It is absolutely maddening!  It breaks my fucking heart! Everything about it is just so excruciating! I really feel like you (who ever you are, reading this) will not be able to come close to understanding the velocity of this situation. Not because I think you are unintelligent or inexperienced, but because I am at a loss for an adequate description to describe what, to me, is an entirely new set of feelings. 

So, I will just say that it fucking sucks! 

And it makes me cry! 

And I am confused. 

And I feel TOTALLY powerless! 

And I still love him!...

Maybe a little more??? Because clearly that is what he needs-- actually nothing is clear, but it seems like, Maybe? That's what he needs???? I do feel for him too, very strongly in this situation, I feel like I know what an awesome kid he is... HE IS! He is super rad! I feel like he alienates himself with this "meanie" behavior. The adults target him, seeing only the bad and the kids, well they are for the most part really forgiving-- but not forgetting, and I don't blame them. 

I wouldn't forget it, if a friend and I were sitting for a nice cup of tea, having a lovely time and out of the clear blue sky, she hauled off and punched me in the face and then went for a throat grab. No. I would not forget this at all. We are lucky they are so kind and forgiving, these little ones. And that they still seem to want to play with him. 

HE IS NOT A MEANIE! I SWEAR!!! My heart is so sad that he is acting like this. I will say to his credit, for what it is worth (even if it is just making myself feel a smidge better) he is REALLY good at apologizing (he has had a ton of practice), he walks up all slow and gentle and says, with a soft and sad voice and a super gentle touch "tarwy" with his head crooked to the side, and I think he actually means it. 

I just want it all to come to a head, for us all to figure it out and be on our way, with this "phase" well behind us. PLEASE!!!!

Please, please.

A quicky...

While my head is still bobbing above water.

Yes that is right folks, still here, still alive, making it through everyday wondering just how I did it?!

Though it feels as if I... We have been treading water for about two years now, I am happy to say, and confused to say, and amazed to say that I do still love it... It's like I always say, Best/worst job ever! 

Usually I say them at different times.

For example

Best Job ever:

When he is fresh out of the bath rolling around naked on the bed laughing and shrieking because, clearly no one has ever loved anything more them him at that exact moment. All nakey and clean and bouncing and rolling warm and cozy happy and free! Loving it! 

BEST JOB EVER!!!!

Worst job ever: 

Well... I think I have painted you enough of these pictures( in posts past). And after that glowy thought of my little snuggy bee, I am going to stick with that feeling for a sec, before I go chopping it down with the daily diaper grind.

Not much is new on the Re & Ro front. Same-same, just dropping you all a line or two, to let you know we are surviving this thing they call toddler-hood and I still haven't  posted any add Ree-Bay playing up the cute factor, as my sales pitch... Nope, this guy is a keeper! Though sometimes I feel like I should keeper him in a cage.  And somehow I have managed to avoid doing this as well... Damn I'm good! 

Things are looking up!

This blog of mine is kinda like a relief map, all bumpy and rough. 

Full of ups and downs. 

But it looks like we are heading up. Reese is still up to his antics... But my hormones seam to have leveled out. Which (I hope) means we are going to make it through this. And what I mean by this is, all of the fits of rage and frustration and well, mainly MYSTERY. We WILL weather out all of the mystery fits and hopefully end up funnier for it.

I did find myself crawl into bed with Ree for his nap-time twice this week. Which means it must have been a really f&cking hard day (twice) for me to give up time... time... time... time... to??? NO time to panic! Just start doing... Something... Anything... Just go go go! Now! For Pete's sake woman get something accomplished! While there is a glimmer of time to! 

This is how it normally goes, I watch his face wide eyed until he shuts his wide eyes and as soon as he does... The stop watch begins and it is an all out fire drill, complete with head sirens, times to beat and kittens to save.

Since my last mid-day mommy nap and the arrival of my special friend (ma' lady time) I seam to feel normal again.  Geeze it is nice to feel level, grounded, loving and sane! Even when my child is head butting me in the nose while grab-pinch-mangling my throat and calling me, No likey you!" after hurling a bowl of tofu once swimming in Bragg's across the room to land on and drain into our heater grate... I am hopeful and confident that one day we will be able to avoid such conflicts through fluent verbal communication. Oh, Yes! One day!... we WILL negotiate and discuss these matters, that at this point in time, are a complete and total fu#king mystery to me.

????? 

And what we do for now, since the weather has been so nice, we strap on helmets and hop on our bike and go riding through our delightful little town with the breeze in our hair (well actually over the tops of our very dorky helmets-- Because I am a mom now, that is how (literally) we roll) and the sun on our faces and just ride...ride... ride... it on out! 

This calms every one down.

And once again we enjoy one another.

dunn-nunt... dunn-nunt...dun-nun-nun-nun-nun-nunt...

Is that even the Jaw's theme? Because that was what I was going for.

It has been hectic around here the past couple of days, as you may have read.

I am pretty sure it does not help that "Shark Week" is swiftly approaching (yep, I mean ma' period)... I am pretty sure I for warned you all that I wasn't gonna hold anything back... (except maybe the "i" in the word s.h.*.t. and the "u"'s in f.*.c.k... For some reason (I really have no idea why)?... That's how I roll... guess I am trying to hold on to some sort of dignity... Yep, that does it, censoring my cuss words.

I am dignified!

Really though, it has been rough, the last few days... Quite a funk I have been in.  I think it is the combination of hormones (you would think that after nearly 15 years of getting the darn thing, EVERY MONTH... that I would know about it by now, that it wouldn't be such a f*cking mystery surprise all the time... and then, OHHH!?!!..The day I get it? I actually "get it"! Thaaaat's what was going on! I get it now ( I am actually, in real life, typing right now... With the stupidest dumdum airhead open month grin on my face, umm yeah I am acting out my typing... O.K...?)

So now, with the combination of my period coming and sleep deprivation, my defenses against baby monsters and mess malicias are near depleted.

I am trying to figure something out here... If what keeps me sane is adding to insanity... What ever do I do?? Oh... maybe I just need to better balance things out... Oh yeah, 'cause that is sooo me!

I really am typing out my head here, so bare with me, cause I am about to break it down...

So what keeps me sane is, making art, going to my studio, having alone time... But on the other hand once I am there I will stay forever! I just don't want to leave... and it is not that I am blatantly protesting returning home to my family, it is just that I get so wrapped up in being artist me, the time, it just disappears and the next thing I know it is literally 3:45am (that's what happened last night) and I am still there, at my studio... Now fully aware of where I need to be, at home! Sleeping! Because my little baby is going to wake up in three hours and needs me to wake up with him. Because apparently it is sooo hard to scramble some eggs!?!

Not only does this type of behavior (of staying out all night) effect my mood tremendously... It effects my self esteem and I feel like a shitty mother...It is not like I am some floozy bar hag (sorry to all those mom's out there that are) out for a week on a bender, but I feel kinda just like one... Only maybe slightly better.
Because I am being selfish and a non-consequential thinker. I am not considering, in the moment, that Ree is going to probably pay the price in the morning for my irritability and short temper from not having gotten proper rest... But wait, there is a twist to this situation, I will be irritable and a cranky pants if I DON"T get time to myself... 

The answer then... is... I guess I have to balance it out a bit, maybe not till three in the morning maybe just till eleven... oooh... that is still in the night time range, and if I set my phone to notify me of my limit then I can do both.  It will be a challenge- I know because, I am not a very moderate person... But I am a strong and I am determined to not be a lame mom.

I am still not able to up load pix... Bum-bum.

The whole picture...

(except without any actual pictures)

Since writing about my last couple of days, I have found that I was able to let go of a lot of the feelings that those words, type... text?... held! I know that this works, this is such a decompression mechanism for me... this expressing myself business... It really is a good fit for me, always has been.  I have had a lot of therapy through out my years... And am currently not seeing anyone (I am married so that does not mean to sound like I am available and looking--so fellas back off! [you know, cause I am sure tons of dudes read my mama drama]).

Anyway what I was trying to say, before I went joke turned borderline tangent on you all, is that...

I think I found my new therapist... Dr. Typepad... Which might sound kinda weird and random, and I wonder what some of my old therapists would say... but I am kinda digging the idea...  Of not holding back anything on account of anything... Not trying to paint any sort of picture but the one that is really there, here, REAL!

It is somewhat hard to be completely candid knowing that this page could potentially be seen by every single person on the planet... Potentially, it could. That is not to say in reality more then ten people actually read it (and I get intimidated by the gang of you just the same.) But I feel like if I am approaching this blog on a more personal one on one type of level it is quite effective as therapeutic tool... And I think that everyone could always use a little more therapy in their lives! Since I am not financially in the position to see a real therapist on a weekly basis, this little blog just might serve as a substitute--I mean isn't that what these things started out as, on line journals?? Maybe we'll see how it goes... 

Am a strong believer of free expression and openness of hearts and the processing of feelings... I think that just as reading & writing are taught in school so should be the teaching of emotions and expression (I know that often they are, indirectly, through other outlets like art and music and writing and such, but I am talking, "Today we are going to get as mad as hell and express it!",  type of sh+t... Or like, "Did everyone do their home work, of crying over a loss, and what was it and what happened and how did you feel???-- ... That is the kind of world I want to live in, an open, feelings are real, and accepted, and honored. and celebrated world! 

So let this blog be an example of that! 

So I promised you a rocket scene...

And now Typepad has gone and changed up the program on me and I am not seeming to be able to up load pix... What??? I say WHAT, is going on here???... Is Mercury in retro grade? (that is the Santa Cruz in me asking that question). Is my super magnetism messing with my ability (or rather in ability) to operate simple electrically charged devices (again, that's the Santa Cruz talking)?

I just thought I was out of the dark here with my adorable new pinky, and now her efforts are in blogging vein, as they will not transfer... AHHHHH!

Any who... I guess I'll try to over come my dilemma and get to writing a more meatier blog post then, I am an mechanical dumdum!

So now, from the top...

I woke up this morning and groggily stumbled to the bathroom where I dispensed two or was it three (it should have been three) of my all time favorite candies... Advil liquid gels and washed them down with some rather toothpastie tasting water... then when my eyes finally opened I looked in the mirror and declared, "NOT IT!"... A big fat lie of course, because, yes, I most certainly was IT!!!!

It was my shift to work at Ree's school today, and well, that my friends is never very pretty...

It is actually quite ugly, a miserable ugly mess, is what that is... 

Escpecially these days... Escpecially today!

Funny thing is, I really like all of the kids, you know, for the most part... They are not the problem at all... Guess who is? If you guessed my Sweet-Little-Angel-Monkey-Butt... You have been keeping up!

So you know the horror I have been laying down, as of late, about this "phase" of his?, Well lets just times that by... I donno???.... Ummmm... ONE MILLION!?!?!?!  And here it is not just me he is raging against, here he has 14 other (little) kids to rage on! 

When it is just me, it is like, "We'll work it out--I know we will" (this is what I tell my self- a sort of mantra I repeat over and over again)!!! But when it is with everyone else... I feel like, "Here we go, I hope to God we make it through this F#&king day". 

I feel virtually useless when we are creating as much work as we are doing. Trying to take care of 15 kids all engaged in some sort of ruckus at any given time... Consoling hurt feeling or hurt knees , and trying to avoid the jealousies that arise from me comforting anyone but Ree... Then whack! Ree is on the attack... Plus,crying himself! My arms falling off from carrying two crying kids and a my head is throbbing from using it as a barricade to stop them from fighting over what they think is their territory, ME! So all that... AND I feel like we have a million eyes on us all saying, "What a meanie! Why is her kid such a meanie? Where does all that aggression come from? She can't even manage her own kid!... I HATE THOSE TWO!".

Really these are all the feelings I am probably having myself... but I project them on to the other parents and let them share in the fun! 

Anyway, He is now fast asleep (THANK GAWD), looking literally like a little angel-- his precious little chest softly rising and falling... I do (somehow) LOVE HIM SO MUCH! 

And here I am trying to get it all out before he wakes up... and it all start over again... 

The up side is that after a day working at his pre- school, everything seems pretty calm around here, in comparison. And I am able to appreciate the "peace"... I can actually call it that, after four hours of being right there in it," the sh*t", as they might say back in Nam.

Right this very second I am Breathing deeply and it sure feels good!

Thanks for listening.

 

What is going on?

I took the time to get a picture of all of my little messes and up load them, then export them... And now the dang thing won't load! That is frustrating! I guess the cyber-universe doesn't want me to further embarrass myself... Well, damn it I am determined and that is why I will try again (and succeed) later... But now I have to go straighten up this sty.

So now I have got my self a camera...

A sink full of dishes, and another pile to put away, a bed to make, a giant un-un-packed suitcase to disperse, one million things to pick up, a car full of laundry, a ballot to drop off, appointments to make, bills to pay and a head full of projects I WISH I COULD EXTINGUISH!

It feels like every chore is a bar on my creativity cage... I have the keys and clearance to unlock this cage of responsibility, it would just require me doing them all, and well, I would rather sit here and sulk-type about it... Or better yet, skip the chores altogether and just start making more messes... pretty colorful fabric clippings and paint smeared glitter messes!... Anything but dishes, laundry, and more f@#king toys to pick up! 

And Please don't even let me go into how dropping by my favorite blogs spots and websites (while procrastinating) could probably force out those tears that I have been successfully forcing back all morning... Out of creative inspiration and lust (that will only get locked up with the rest of the magic)... Or out of sheer frustration and jealousy about all of the domestic flow, charisma and acceptance that some of these ladies seem to embody. It is enough to just make me want to lump up and cry!... After all, I would prefer that to the cleaning.

I am having a bit of a fit here... Maybe Ree is rubbing off on me... 'cause he sure has been rubbing me raw lately! He is super full of it these days... HE IS TRY--ING, sooo trying... I want to ask him "WHO ARE YOU?" like every five minutes! Because he has been acting like a complete freak show! He has no patience or tolerance for aaanything... and guess who has to up her own P & T when he has none?... Yep that is right, ME! Let me tell ya folks, this A-hole does NOT make it easy!

At least the weather has been nice, so we have been able to get out and run the beast... He just might eat me alive (or vice versa) if we had to be cooped up inside together any longer.

I know he is just a baby, and he is seems to be doing some hyper processing right now, but for the love of sanity, lets just rein it in a bit, how 'bout? I mean sheesh, he like a little testosterone factory! Crazy, I tell ya!!! And estrogen is the hormone with the bad wrap??? Ha!

I still LOVE him (always-always) and I am pretty sure I still like him?... Yeah, I do. But honestly, sometimes I can hardly stand him.

Well now that I have thrown my little fit in a public-ish sort of place, I am ready for an ice cream cone... What no one around to bribe me with ice cream, well then I guess I'll just have to get to my chores and dangle the promise of a piping hot Americano at the end of it all.

I actually feel much better now and am ready for responsibility day all over again.

And without further adue...

THE FLOWERS!!!

I got a new camera, and this time it is pink!
I super love it already and here are some results of my new purchase...

THE FLOWERS!... One by one... umm, over-photo-compensation much????

Naahhh, just every picture of every fence flower I've ever painted!... And it's about time!

This little cutie was made by Anna, Leo's Mom.

A bird really liked this one... Or didn't?

That is it for now, I'll save the Rocket-Ship scene for another time... I am going to bed now, Goodnight.

P.S...

MY CAMERA BROKE!!!!!
WHAAA!!!

I can't believe it... I picked it up and had a fishy feeling as I put it into my pocket to go capture those big beautiful wooden flowers on film... Well, digi. I had this sinking feeling the whole way over to the spot, and what do you know? It was true!

I always have that feeling--quite often when I am super excited about something (as I was with this- I was so excited to show you all the work I had done!)

I get this sinking-somethings-gonna-happen feeling when I get a new CD or a new pair of shoes... Like I am gonna get hit by a train before I ever even get to put those new dogs on my feet... I just know it!-- So that is the feeling, and it always goes right away when I push play or slip into my new kicks...

This time I push power on my camera and well, the stupid thing turns on but keeps zooming in and out, trying to focus but the thing just won't stop moving... It's like a Riddlin kid with a wad of Big League Chew (bubble gum) and a cap gun-- It just will not focus!

I tried everything people! It is toast!

So, until I gets me anotha'- it will be visually disappointing 'round these parts...

April Hours Bring May flowers

After 40 hours... That is no exaggeration, and you know how I love to exaggerate... but this is real folks, So yes, after 40 hours of cutting out, painting and mounting eighteen 24"x24" flowers and an entire rocket-ship scene I am finally done! I have got that project in the bag... or rather, shall I say, on the fence!

It was really fun and it looks super cool... I think the only reason I took any notice of the time I spent on them is because I had three shows worth of paintings I had to get done and was not working on any of them. But I usually work well under pressure so I thought the heck with all of that, LETS DO THIS! The fun stuff!

It is all fun, I love my job, and I loved this one (of helping out my son's school) even a little bit more!

It was the perfect weather last weekend to get the last of it done, the actual painting--my favorite part.

As I sat there on a drop cloth in the sun, painting those giant wooden flowers in every color of the rainbow, I noticed I was living my exact childhood fantasy, of what being a mom was gonna be like.

I had always imagined painting for the school along with other vivid imaginings like building crazy cool forts with spiral stair cases and a real working telephone. Sewing super hero capes and buttons back on when they'd come off... And so on and so on... Too many dreamies to ramble on about at this particular time... As always, I have a sink full of dishes to do, yet, for some reason this part of the job never entered into the dreams of being a mother, not once?

Anyway it was really super special, the feelings, the perfect blissful absolute right feelings that came along with the painting of those little flowers... I sure do love this momming business... I sure do love that boy!

In a bit of a whirlwind...

Around here lately... And I don't think I am going to touch down anytime soon.

You may find that at the end of each month... That I am scarce if present at all. The case is usually that I am hulled up in my glorious studio spinning out artwork like indian burns... Shoving every bit of time I can find into concentrated chunks, then forcing out masterpieces in multiples. That is the way I seem to work it out these days, with just a slight bit of pain.

As the story goes, much like the last, I have a number of shows to produce paintings for and the deadlines are, well, near, very near! Like... I have one show up (done), one half hung (with the rest of the paintings perched on my fingertips), and I was miraculously gifted a weeks push back for another hanging, as well as the opening reception (sheesh, still more time left there).

Sorry I have been missing,
I am smack dab in the middle, you see, of an all out art cram!

On the family fun side of art obligation... I have been working on a project for little Ree Bee's school. I am making Flowers... And a rocket scene for the chain link fence that encloses the playground area. I was supposed to start it last weekend, during their annual spring work party, but... I was called, last minute, to do a Nike commercial, for the 2008 olympics, and well... I could hardly pass it up, those gigs kinda make a days worth of work seem like a weeks worth of pay-- for those of you who don't know, that was my old life, I use to do hair... BUT NOT ANYMORE! I am an ARTIST NOW, STRICTLY... Unless you are Nike... Or anyone else who wants to pay $800 for a days work... No really I WILL do your hair ALL DAY LONG for $800... No takers??? O.K. then, I guess I am an Artist, so I will, instead, do a weeks worth of flower painting for free- and love every minute of it!

I will be back soon when this little duster of deadlines drops me off anywhere near my computer.

Thank you friends...

Well, the moms and babes, they came and went...

And we had a real groovy time!

I don't know what I was waiting for? It was so fun to have our friends over... I guessed I just always assumed that our little tree house was a one friend over at a time type of joint, turns out I was wrong--that is rare.

Ree and some good-time pals

They played really hard and then one by one, started to melt down.
This was the scene about one minute after everybody left...

It's to bed in red for this sleepy head

While he did that I did these... A sure sign of good-times.

The Moms are coming...

Tomorrow, my moms group is coming to our house for breaky. We all met at the hospital's new moms group, shortly after our little ones were born... Our kids have known each other pretty much their whole lives. We all do different things together, as often as we can, ideally once a week... We have been over to almost all of the other moms houses, but none of the moms have ever been over here... Oh yeah, Junko, Iris and Chris did come over to watch Ree one night, while we had a date to see John Prine, but mainly what I am trying to say is that I have never hosted the moms and babes... And I am super excited to have all of these lovelies over to our home!!!!

I will be making the usual, what I make pretty much every morning for Ree and I... Scramby eggs with diced, and sauteed spinach and onions. Delish... so quick and simp... And it just delights me that (for now) my kid loves spinach!... Oh and I had to make more of those cookies! They were just too good!

I just love an oven window with a light--don't you? Peak a boo... I see you!

Well, I don't have crystal ball (you'd think being raised by gypsies, I most certainly would have one of those, but nope. Two broken teeth... an eighth grade education... but no crystal ball). The reason I mention my lack of a crystal ball is because I would love to show you pictures of all of the festivities to come, but I have not the technology nor the witchcraft ... So you have to wait for the recap.

Although it is pretty safe to say that I can give you a clear depiction of what is to follow our gathering... The forecast (surprise, surprise) calls for more rain... And that, we have plenty of stock footage of... How about, here is one from our trip to Cannon Beach two weekends ago.

So this is what well be doing after the friend filled morning indoors. We'll gear up to get drenched (as you can see, this is a favorite activity) then we'll head home and take a nice hot bath.

Spring is singing our names...

In late March, when Easter happened (that still seems weird to me) the spring time sprites left little Ree a basket full of gardening tools and seed packets.

And I am pretty sure we are just about ready to put them all to good use?... No, we ARE ready, it is the weather we are waiting on.

The weather has been especially freaky here in the Northwest. Bright and sunny with the temperatures in the 70's, then near freezing and almost snowing. I have been weary of putting precious little seeds in the ground, as I fear they may not be able to handle this roller-coaster-weather-ride.

But Billy is going to go head and build our little one his very first garden bed this weekend--for when the weather shapes up.

Ree is getting a head start. He made a little start to put into the bed once the weather gets stable enough. He poked his tiny little finger in to the soil, then dropped his seed in (am not sure exactly what he planted) and pinched a bit of dirt over the top of it... Now, we just wait and see just who is in there. and just when we can get to planting.

Now for a little something sweeter

I was a little emotional today--I worked myself in to a bit of a frazzle with the state of things... As you may have read.

SOOO, I did what anyone would do in my situation... I made a big ol' batch of JoAnnie's (that's my mom... one of them) famous famous oatmeal chocolate chip COOKIES!!!... with double butter!

Aww, now all is right in the... My world.

A sleeping angel babe, a snuggy husband, two frosty mugs of whole milk and a huge plate of cookies...

Thank You

&

Goodnight

I am not Political-- just human...

Thank you Billy! You are a true grown up!
So I plopped those five different envelops into one official blue box today... All thanks to the adult in our partnership, my loving and more importantly (today) RESPONSIBLE husband, Billy!

I wipe my virtually spotless hands (because I literally didn't touch the things-- aside from dropping them in the box) clean of that gawd awful mess of papers they call taxes... I call it Blood money, that pays for three rich guy's oil war! I am not all that political but nor am I blind. I can't believe we, our family (lovers of PEACE) are contributing to this genocide!

IT MAKES ME SICK!

I am all for taxes...
That HELP OUR CITIZENS... that FEED OUR ECONOMY... That PROTECT OUR CHILDREN!!!!!!!!

NOT THAT KILL INNOCENT PEOPLE, INCLUDING OUR CHILDREN!

So we paid our taxes today in money...
And guilt and shame and embarrassment and reluctance and resentment and fear and anger!

Knowing that (for now) it'll end up ill used.

I surly know it isn't going to pave the horrendous maze of potholes that lines our "unincorporated", "unimproved" dirt road... Or go to any sort of UNIVERSAL HEALTH CARE to help with the fifteen thousand dollars it is going to cost to fix my teeth (which by the way, is as a direct result of growing up an all american welfare kid... Being seen at clinics by disheartened practitioners, with tied hands, authorized to do only the absolute bare minimum. As a child of unfortunate economic circumstance I was treated as a lower class of human, yet, given the the very best our country has to offer?)... Or to feed the countless number of homeless people, down the street from my studio, that line up around the block each day, at noon, to get their one meal a day (FROM A CHURCH--NOT UNCLE SAM mind you) It sure isn't going to aid in treating these people as our citizens, let alone as human beings! Or what about those solders (so many of them just boys, really) who fought for what they thought was helping their country, to find out that it was all just bullshit and that they were pretty much war slaves fighting a dirty, corrupt war to make rich men richer... Only to end up dead or ruined physically, mentally and emotionally... Oh and then abandon and forgotten by the very country they were fighting for...

SICK! SICK! SICK!

AND SAD...

I JUST GET SO SAD WHEN I THINK ABOUT ALL OF US, OUR PEOPLE, SUFFERING, AND CAST AWAY... PEOPLE, KIDS IN OUR COUNTRY NOT BEING (IN THE VERY LEAST) FED!!!!... AND THE PEOPLE WORKING THIER ASSES OFF TO PROVIDE FOR THEIR FAMILIES TO PAY THEIR TAXES... AND HERE WE ARE... WHERE WE ARE... IN A POINTLESS WAR USEING OUR RESOURCES TO PAY FOR DESTRUCTION, CHAOS AND MURDER?????!!!!!!!

SAD, SAD, SAD

SO SAD!

Whatever we do people, whom ever the nominee may be, we have got to vote...

DEMOCRAT

in 2008

like I started out saying, I am not super political... and sometimes I am a bit insecure about using my voice because I don't know everything (I think I should)... But I know my feelings, and so I go with that... And just go ahead and use my little voice however shaky it may be. I think if we all did that--used our shaky little voices, then we will be heard.

USE THAT VOICE!

Gallery show!

I just wanted to share with you, that I got into a juried show, at the Cannon Beach Gallery, in Cannon Beach!
It is just one piece that I submitted, she is called "talk of the town"!

Here is a picture of my little coastal traveler.