MotherMade

I miss you Billy!

So these are our days as of late:

Ree and I wake up and Billy has already gone off to work (sad face about that). He always says goodbye with kisses and whispers but sometimes I am so tired that I can't remember that this even happened.

Next (for the past week) the little guy has been cutting his eye teeth, feverish, sensitive and now with a awful ear infection... Need less to say he has been miserable!

My little heart just shatters for all of the discomfort my sweet baby is going through... I just feel so awful and powerless about not being able to fix it for him.

Because of his sensitivity and aches, he is constantly in my arms, on my lap or whimpering at my feet. This has put a huge damper on the my domestic agenda--that I already struggle to maintain. That is just to say, that once again the house has been hit a clothing, dishes and dust bunny bomb!

I repeat: The house has been hit!

Due to Ree's current condition, he has been nursing the entire night through, which means I have been getting NO SLEEP! As a result I am a bit of a grumpkin pumpkin during the day.

When Billy does get home I am so super spent plus I have deadlines to meet... So I escape to my studio!

A).Because, I need to just be me alone without giving any more of myself to any one, and B). I am cramming to complete my up coming shows.

I get home sometimes in the wee hour of the following day (2,3 in the morning).

Sometimes I get home and Billy wakes up to spend the slightest bit of time with me and I am so delirious and exhausted I find something, anything to fight him about...

So basically the only time I get to see my beautiful husband is at 3 in the morning for cranky delusional midnight whisper fights! It is horrible! When we... somehow find our way out of what ever ridiculous argument we (I) have created and agree to call it a night... Our feet DO always seem to find each other as we drift off to sleep for a length of time that would more realistically be considered a nap.

And then... We wake to do it all over again!

But not tomorrow. Tomorrow we have a date!
Dinner and Bruce Sprinsteen! I can't wait!

I MISS YOU BILLY!
I LOVE YOU BILLY!

Why do I blog?

I wish I could track down a whole hour to share all the amazing with you all. Amazing stuff happens all daylong, all I want to do is catch it in a jar and come running in at dark to show you all it's glow....

Because??? I care about keeping you happy and entertained and... well...? Engaged. For some reason I choose to write about stuff that I think about and share it with you here in my little nook of cyber space. My little cobwebby corner of this vast webernet of endlessness... I actually think it might be a bigger world then even the one we live in. So why then do I bother with it this blogging business? Sending my words out in a rocket-ship to linger in space? When already it seems I am scraping the bottom of the peanut butter jar for little crunchies of time? I don't really know? Can't really tell ya why?

I guess I like the thought of being heard/read? I think, I might like the idea of loved and adored by strangers and fans... If I tell you true. This is where I pretend I am famous... At least that is one possibility.

This is where I pretend that my average days are special and of pertinence to others out there wandering around this strange place hopping from site to site like they were rocks on a river walk... That's what people use to do to explore things. Why I blog then?... Is, many times, to just get things out of my head... Out of my heart and well, most importantly share... Oh and exaggerate! Tell stories, make wishes, to connect I guess? I like thinking I might make someone laugh, or relate, or inspired.

To have the assignment of searching out amazement each and everyday so that I might have something of value, to pass along by way of words and pictures. Or to focus on the hilariousness in the other wise horrendous moments... To make fun of my mess, to tattle on myself for my imperfections and make short of my shortcomings.

I don't know... To pay closer attention to my life?

So now that this ramble has gone on this long and you are probably still searching for the part where I show you something special...

I think this is pretty special, it is my favorite blog, Soulemama, and maybe it is just exactly the answer to my question of, "why do I blog"? This blog is the reason I wanted to write one myself... Amanda Soule makes life seem so magical and full of simple treasures... She makes you want to pay more attention.

sneaky peeky

Here is a sneak peek at a little cropped section of one of the new gals, from the "limbs and leaves" series. You can see the rest at Lille in April.

So the rants and the raves have been a little scarce...
I am in a bit of a whirlwind getting ready for two up coming shows... Painting like dog in the stoods (studio) lately... I'll be back soon though-- Promise!

The first show is at:

Lille Boutique
"limbs & leaves"
1007 E Burnside PDX
Opening reception
April 4th, 6pm-9pm

!!ALL NEW WORK THERE!!

Also at:

Redwing Cafe
"little house"
1700 SE 6th Ave. PDX
Opens April 1st

Hope to see folks peeking in... Here is a little preview.

Hillary all the way!

I can't hold it in any longer... and frankly the feeling just keeps growing in me!

Let me break um all on down for ya... My feelings... mind you... These are MY feelings!

I am a little sick of people just assuming I am a supporter of Obama.
Just because... Just because... I don't know why? But they just do...

And now, the two of you who read this will know where I stand.

What you should be assuming is that I am VOTING for HILLARY... And yes it is because I am a woman! I AM a woman!.. and I love women! And I have always thought that a woman should be President!
And now we have this awesome opportunity!!!

So... where is the celebration?!!?

This is a BIG FUCKING DEAL ladies!!!

I can believe I feel like a minority amongst women or at least the ones I talk to??
I just don't understand this need to perpetuate the male dominance of the world...??
Who would it have to be? In order to get a majority woman alliance? who??? I don't get it?
Then again we are taught to hate ourselves... Is that it???

Ok... Ok... Not to offend!

Just because you don't vote for a woman doesn't mean you hate yourself... It is just the only reason I could come up with in this moment of confusion, bewilderment... And a strong feeling of abandonment!

Not to be a gender stereo typer here but, now that I have a baby I do have some room to talk, because boy babies and girl babies are sooo stereotypical! I now know that gender (largely) instinctually instils certain attributes and they are amazingly specific.

Women are made to nurture and take care of their children & their people... Men are more the money makers and the defenders... Lets stop having our country run by money making "defenders" and lets TAKE CARE OF OUR PEOPLE!!!!!!

Mainly these are my feelings/this is my criteria:

If "she" is not a republican

and if "she" is not the Devil

Than "she"-- ANY woman has got my vote!

But also I actually think that Hillary Clinton is an excellent candidate for the Job!
I agree with many of her policies. And I think that she is sincere and smart and strong and feminine and human...

About the negativity and those other bad wraps she seems to be so good at accumulating:
You try going on a year long public interview and not once say what you think people want to hear... And then try Not say anything bad about the other person up for YOUR job... I couldn't do it!

And yes, she may be a bit conservative...
What politician isn't?
Come on she's a Politician.
They are ALL politicians!!!
And the are ALL conservative to a degree.

Ummm by the way she is a woman and she is running for president... And THAT is pretty radical in it's self!

For the record -- to let you know just about how conservative I am... I would vote for Sarah Silverman for President if she ran!

(Sarah since you DO read this... how about it... maybe Hill can warm up the spot for you... sneak a box of o.b.'s into the Oval Office desk drawer for ya...??? Yay- pillow fight)

Anyway I don't want to offend anyone I just thought it was time I made my opinion public... even if it is not public opinion! I feel strongly about it and now you know.

A little more work

But kinda fun... Because I am excited about it and I really believe in him...

So, I just wanted to promote my husbands business a little.

Holdfast Woodshop:

Specializing in Fine Furniture, Interior Woodworking & Finish Carpentry
check out the website at www.holdfastwoodshop.com and tell all of your friends!

Responsiblity Day

So I have four hours to get some stuff done... No Baby just dumb boring bills, e-mails, tax stuff, passport stuff, ... and so on like that there! All the stuff I am totally horrible at! So there will be no fun pictures or inspiring sentiments... No hilarious stories or contemplative thoughts on life, no relatable dilemmas or new glorious master pieces... Or any of that! NO, NO, NO! Just a little typing tantrum about how I have to be a regular adult and endure regular responsible adult type activities and how I totally can't stand doing all the normal stuff. I am so glad I have a husband who is good at it and takes care of a vast majority of all the... Yuck!

Painting Dress...

Because I love to dress up for work!

Art Marketing 101...

Who new that it would be so fun?!?

I was recently invited to join a small group of women to be a part of their art marketing group... Sure I thought, that could be helpful! I will learn a few things get together with some ladies...Talk business? Yeah that sounds like it could be alright... Or... ??? Totally F@$king Awesome! It was great!... To get together with other artist and brainstorm some ideas about getting our art out into the world. Who ever said two brains are better then one, should have tried four! The group consisted of Artists Katie Simpson, Sarah Cruse, Jennifer Mercede and now, Me! It was fun and inspiring and really really productive. We came up with so many ideas and had so much fun that it was like, We should do this everyday! But once a month works for me too! It really was the start of something, I think, truly amazing-- Well, it is not the start... But for me it is, and I am pretty sure I have stumbled on to a special group of artists here.

So thanks ladies, for the invite!

Because it was a group on marketing and this was a blog about that group on marketing... I suppose I will just have to sneak some in here... By showing you all one of my latest.
"snowy hilltop" 12"x12" $140

Done with all that... And on to THIS!

Ahhh... To start tomorrow out with mopped floors and every dish done, just make the bed and I'll be off to the studio for a full day of painting my heart out, then...
OMG! Billy got me a gift certificate, for a Massage at 5:00!!!

It was so cute.
The card said,

"For: Relaxing
Form: Being Mangled"

(referring of course, to Ree's current behavioral situation-
the hitting, biting, clawing situation that is-
But we'll not mention that any further)

So, after painting and pampering it is home to my little lovies!
Oooo?... maybe I put a pot roast and some veggies in the slow cooker so we can have magically made dinner when I get home!

I can't think of a better day!!! Can you?!?

What a treat!

And now here is a treat for you... It is not nearly as sweet as my all day treat tomorrow... But I think it's a little sweetie never the less... It is my current favorite painting.

Yes! They are gone...

... For like the whole day... Or for AT LEAST four hours! That means I get to CLEAN... and YARDEN (maybe Yarden? Maybe not??) But CLEAN... I get to clean, alone, all by myself!!!... Oh glourious day (I wrote that in my singing voice, in case you were wondering)! I get to wash away a weeks worth of... Holy F#%king disaster!

Little Laundry piles tipping over on every surface... Dust bunnies and raisins hanging out in shady corners of the house-- obviously up to no good! Towels on the back of every door knob and hanging over every door, bath toys beached on the bottom of an empty tub... books and toys enrolled in some sort of sick storage swap!?... Well I am sending them all back to their right homes, immediately!

Ree's bed looks more like a toy box then a bed... but I guess the only thing that actually makes it a bed is Max, our cat, who sleeps there and gets his stupid black hair all over it... Just because no one else sleeps there doesn't mean it is up for grabs, MAX! One day... Oh one day Ree is gonna sleep there too! And we will once again have a grown up bed (but that is a-whole-notha' blog)!

Dishes- not much to write about there, except that there are always, ALWAYS... some dished to be done. That is something to depend on, something you can be certain of! And then there is the real stuff the really really real stuff... That never gets done during a whirlwind three minute straightening attack... I am talking about the Scrub-a-dub-dub... The moping and toilet bowl and tile and grout and oven (well maybe not the oven) but the windows and the fridge... Oh my, there will be no mercy! Step aside Mrs. Meyer's. Back off Bi-O-Kleen and Simple Green! I am bustin' out the Bleach and the Comet, 'Cause I am not F@$king kidding around here... It's all about the kill the fishes and change the ph of the soil type sh*t... Sorry Planet, I am gettin' dirty with the cleaners today!

Oh yah, LET'S DO THIS!

MEXICO!

So this is that story I promised... I am not in the most magical of moods so this story may not have all of the colors that it should... All the colors of neon tropical fish that is!

We are going to Mexico! (so there is the ending)
Here is the beginning:

Just recently I was telling Billy that I would love, Love, LOVE to go somewhere tropical. "Like Mexico", that is what I said, "Mexico"! I have never been there, I am from California and I have never been??? I know that is just a little bit redick', but it is true.

Living so far North I have been missing the mexican culture that I grew up around.
I miss hearing spanish spoken in the back round of everyday.
I MISS the food (have yet to find a decent Mexican food joint up here).
Communicating with gestures and smiles when there is a language barrier.
The smell of tortillas and laundry detergent wafting through the air at sun down.
Brightly stripped wool blankets and posters of low riders and jesus for sale on every other street corner.
Home made tamales-- a dollar a piece off the tail gate of a truck.
Flats of strawberries bags of oranges.
Flea Markets.
Family. I always admired how the Mexican families stuck together. I wanted to be a part of something that strong.

So, I am not mexican, But I love coming from a town where much of the community was graced with a strong Mexican presence. Most of what I know of any sort of culture I learned from them, I have kinda adopted it as my own. So I thought I would love to go see the origin, the roots of where all this magic originally came from.

Anyway I love stuff from mexico and like I said, before I went off into my little ramble, I was just telling Billy how badly I wanted to go to Mexico... and how could we ever make that happen? etc...

I even made a painting that had "you should go to Mexico" scratched in the paint.
like I had been and highly recommended it, but really I was talking about me, us, we should go to Mexico! And low and behold... WE ARE GOING!!!!

Here is that part; How we are going:

When Ree and I were down in California, visiting Friends and Family. my Friend/Mom was looking for tropical places to celebrate her 60th Birthday... And of course I recommend Mexico, we started looking around the internet for places, flights, villas etc... and before you knew it she and Ronny were flying us all down to stay for 9 days in a villa on a lagoon in Akumal MEXICO!...
What the F#@k!
Are you kidding me?
It was like Magic!
These people are pretty magical!
ALWAYS are!

THANK YOU JOANN & RONNY--WE LOVE YOU!!!

Someday I'll tell you the story of how we chose each other as Family (when you are ready for more magic)

lovely evening...

I spent a fab evening with some special lady friends... "My Moms" as I call them-- It turns out that when we get to hang out laugh and really get to know one another, when we don't have midgets tugging at our pant legs, we all get along quite splendidly... And ya know, I rather like these ladies quite a bit. Not that I ever thought other wise- It is just hard to build onto friendships when you are hither and tither with the baby wrangling. Every time we get to hang out as who we are as people in real life and not JUST mothers it really is awesome and reenergizing!

Not to mention we ate dark chocolate and sipped on specialty espresso drinks by candle light and glowing paper lanterns at a chattery little patisserie while the raindrops collected on the window turned the street lamps and traffic lights into a thousand little twinklies and invited them in as even more ambiance.

The company and the setting were a perfect break!

And then...

I got to drop by my quiet midnight studio for a little painting. I had not been there yet since I've been back home. I was jonesing for some time in the studio and this was the perfect dose.

A scripted evening, truly.