Here's the scoop...
Reese is still not walking :( :( :(
But I am hopeful that he will... again... someday... walk.
I have had my bouts with paranoia, that he will be 15 and have to crawl home from school because the bus couldn't see him and passed him up... Again... because he was on his hands and knees. Or he will end up one of those four legged walking people... Like that family that just can't walk upright... I bet we could get on Opera though, if Reese never stops crawling... We just might have a shot at T.V.!... It is far fetched... Oooo we could play fetch?!... We could start putting him out to go to the bathroom? We will never have to potty train... Ok enough... He is our son and just because he is temporarily acting like a puppy doesn't mean he is one.
Really though it is so sad, I hate to see him frustrated and struggling. But I do think it is just one of those surprise pop up things that happen when you are a parent... One of the challenges that come with the territory, but you don't really expect. It is a really hard part of the job... When something happens to your kid. And you just have to learn as you go. Not always easy, these little lessons, and I don't believe I will ever know everything, but I do hope I get better at knowing what to do or how to react or to accept the situation... All these things that seasoned moms seem so good at, I hope I get there someday.
I think with this situation, this particular time, at this point I am at that sort of acceptance spot, where I just know it is all going to work out. We have seen the doctors enough times and had enough x-rays and talked to the right moms who have been trough similar situations (thanks Amy) that I am just going to relax and let his achy parts heal and give him lots of kisses in the meantime and be grateful that it is not worse.
And once again accept the fact that my whole life from here on out is mainly about him and everything else is next in line. So, I just need to get over the Me-me stuff and just let him drive me crazy for the next few weeks... I am just glad he is here to do it.
Or shall I say bitch...
Doesn't that sound like this is going to be positive? Well, perhaps maybe a little. Maybe this blog post will lead me to light at the end of this tunnel... Or more like subway... Which would probably make any light, a train coming at me...
Reese, as I only briefly mentioned before sprained his freshy little ankle, every time I say that my heart let's out a little sigh... The cause make me sad, so sad for him but the out come, or our sitch as I am calling it... Feels devastating... Maybe a step up form that, EXHAUSTING how about?
So this is the sitch...
Reese has a sprain--yes it is sad we all know that...
But he has not walked in eight day, people! That means I have to carry him EVERYWHERE!
He was a big baby when he was a big baby... And now that I have to lug his , stubborn, board, grumpy, flaily little kid body around it is kinda like having a giant baby that is acting like a giant baby!
Sorry! But I just have to say it... My hurt kid is driving me up the wall!
Whining, whining, whining!... Just as I am doing now, but constantly!
Oh... And talking mean to me... Saying things like, "You, No want you!" and "Go away, Mom!" ...Oh, believe me kid I wish I could! Actually, I think we are driving each other up walls!
So co-op was closed pretty much all of December doe to snow and holidays... There was much cabin fever to be had there... You have know idea what a fresh breath it was going to be to return to co-op... For what I thought was going to be a norma,l back on track, schedule... And then just as I was taking in that giant inhalation of fresh Co-op air... I got punched in the stomach... We have now been out of Co-op for a solid week and counting... And to top it off... It is bright and fucking sunny outside... In Portland... In mid January... For the past week... For the past 8 days to be exact... Did I mention someone hasn't been able to walk for the PAST 8 DAYS? Well, you have no idea how priceless a dry ground in January, in Portland is... It is like Visa Priceless! And we are stuck on our knees!
Whine... Whine... Whine... Cheese! (it's our version of duck, duck, goose)
I joined the gym... I know! Who does that this time of year? No one...
But, me, I did.
Partially, so that I could drop Reese in child care and run away... Well go run in place. But still I would get a bit of a break and get skinny at the same time, sounds like magic, huh?... Well not quite, because you can't really drop off a gimpy kid at child care. So, now I have been going at night when I should be working at my job... Not working on my skinny.
I love this place... Wherever it is!
I feel much better now.
Maybe I even have a few minutes to clean up a bit before my sweet little "hold me" monster wakes up.
Oh, he did say, because it has been so windy outside, "it too rough on my baby skin"... Which made up for about 3% of the whining... So the cute factor is still in effect!
Thanks for reading.
I am feeling a little better this morning, about my whole existential blogging crisis... Yep, "girl time" came and well, the fog has lifted a bit!... I am shocked and amazed and baffled and bewildered every time it happens! Every single time! What is that? How is that? It happens every month, and in between I seem to forget about it completely? I am TOTALLY SURPRISED each and every time it comes. This is astounding to me, that it could go like this every time! I crack up and up and up about it! So bazaar, don't you think? Like with my period comes just a touch of amnesia so that I forget it, yes, I am going to say it again, EVERY TIME... Or rather the part that I forget is the dun-nunt, dun-nunt... dun-dun-nah-nun-nunt... That it will come again, yes it will be back, so remember the symptoms!!!! Like you will act crazy, you will say mean things to your husband and you will think that he, Billy Kahn--BILLY KAHN is mean! Now just stop right there and think about how funny that sounds...
Now catch your breath and change your pants if you peed (I do though, hope for your sake Reese is the only one who still pees his pants), Because yes, that is a hilarious notion, but it is also insane and you need to snap out it, not now but when it happens... I don't know if that is an option but it sure would be nice if it were.
Now for some Public Period Apologies:
(like an Oscar acceptance speech but a little bit more glamorous)
I would like to say sorry firstly, to my husband for being insane this week! Which included, but is not limited to breaking your calculator (apparently I just tore the massive thing in two... pieces? Don't really remember it--math is not my forte).
To Reese for being extra irritable... I am thinking it is a good thing though, that I don't have any specifics to mention... Yep, can't think of any... So I would say we are good dude! Yeah, just sorry for an extra grumpy edge I guess, maybe you haven't noticed, because you have your own things going on what with your foot and stuff, but if you have, I am sorry.
Let's see here... Umm, Umm, I would like to say sorry to the Internet about my bad attitude towards you lately. In general I think you are amazing... A little out there and crazy to comprehend but for the most part amazing.
Um, to my blog reader for all the negative blogginess in the previous post, Sheesh, figure it out already lady (me, not you). Um, yeah I just... Oh yeah to my car for calling you a piece of... shit... You are not shit you are good and nice and friendly and I like you a lot... Also I think you are cute... So--Opp they are telling me to wrap it up... the music... Ummmm, just sorry to every random person that maybe I looked at funny and really I am not mean, Thank you good night
Searching the friggin' web for answers only to get tangled up in more mystery. Bouncing around this joint like a... Well, how 'bout, like a two year old kid without a sprained (or possibly fractured) ankle. Random reference? Not too much, because I am talking about Reese. He busted his foot-ish ankle area on Sunday and hasn't stood on it since! It is so SUPER SAD and frustrating (for him--more so then for me--but yes, for me too). We find out tomorrow the prognosis. I will let you know, mom, what the verdict is.
So, like I was saying, I was walkin' the web looking for the answers... You know? On how to be rich and famous, things like that. All I found were endless dark allies full of boring or overly inspirational blogs. Which in this case, for my purposes, the ones meant to inspire, became depressing. And the Boring ones well, there were JUST SO MANY of those. Because I was looking for clues on what to do with my own silly blog (not knowing why I still have one) I was lost. Oh jimmany this is not what I was looking for at all. I don't know what exactly I was looking for, all I know is that this was not it. I kinda knew this place was filled with them but the bombardment was excruciating!
Still looking for my blogging voice... Why do I even want one? Not quite sure. But I keep doing this for some reason. This is about as far as I have gotten with this dilemma... And I pretty much express it about every tenth time that I feel it. Statistically speaking that would make this a blogging about not knowing why I blog blog! Yep, that sounds about right. I guess in a way that may be inspiring to some... You can just pop by here if you are ever feeling scattered or indecisive and by comparison you will seem quite balanced. You will leave feeling refreshed and energized you will know exactly where you put those keys and all stars will be shinning down on you.
I guess Honesty- embarrassing honesty is what my shaky sarcastic voice sounds like. I really want to have something for someone... Most of all me I want to have an ounce of knowing-that I am doing something with some sort of purpose. But I have not found that here yet. I don't really know what I have created in this space... Perhaps a lovely scattered mess? That seems to be what comes most naturally everywhere else I go. I don't know why here would be any different. I think that the having to do this stuff consistently is the part that gets me all tizzied up... I feel frantic and pressured like I had better have something good... But I fill in the "I got nothing" spots with fake forced filler like... here ya go!... This is what I have been thinking about lately BS or "10 pretty things" which is really kinda boring... But I am not always gonna have meat people... or veggies or even a snack... Ok, enough with the food analogies I don't know how to make food sound bad--I love it too much! Basically what I am saying is I sometimes have blogs that I think are worthy of writing but mostly I don't...
I am not one of those moms bloggers who adopts special needs orphans, and hand stitches them tiny little prom dresses out of recycled organic cotton. I don't whip Sunday homeless pancake brunch to feed our cities hungry. I am not that mom who makes a new batch of play dough everyday, who go's to farmers market to sell my garden's bounty. I don't home school and hi-bryd ride share, or wake up at dawn and collect eggs and proceed to bake them into a variety of hearty carbs. I don't have any how-to-crafty advise or knitting patterns to share... I don't homebake hand pies or poop out Waldorf schools.
I am just not a perfect mom! And here is the clencher.... Are you ready?... If I were one of those Waldorf school poopers I certainly would not have time to blog about it!
So this is what I got for you today, another ambivalent blog about ambivalent bloging.
six.) Sweet Succulents! Because I grew up in a little beach town in California where every porch was sprinkled with sand, had at least one Boggie board, several small pilings of shells, beach glass and gray tangled driftwood... And little terracotta pot gardens filled with these icy blue-gray-green beauties... By far my favorite plants (maybe it is because they are so hard to kill).
eight.) The time of year when things grow...
ten.) Dang I feel like I should have a finally here... That is so much pressure, I think I might choke under such extreme pressure... I can't do it!
Here is a warning: There will be no finally! No, this last one is going to be average... Like I said before there is no particular order therefor there can be no grand finally... So, ten is birds on wires... Because if you are familiar with my art you know I love these.
To push that last post far and away, down to the depths where it belongs.
This post is ten things I love instead of that one horrifying "beauty mark turned Ugly spider, apparently over night...I don't know why I even did it, post such an atrocity...
Actually I do to make you laugh ( hope it worked-I threw out every last shred of femininity to bring you that chuckle). Also I am the queen of revieling my own dirty secrets. I can hardly contain myself... It is like the terrets of embarressing details... Anyway here I go again bringing up the past... And yet again sheding a light on a place that should waxed away and forgotten.
So now on to this, How about ten pretty images and we'll just froget the whole thing ever happened.
six.)... I'll have to put four more up late... That little Tomkin is stirring.
OMG, OMG, OMG! How in the world did I let this happen?
What? Do I not own a mirror?
I can't believe I let myself slip so far away.
GONE!... Is any sense of caring, self preservation or dignity... I thought it was bad when I stopped shaving my legs and called it "winter legs" (but in reality, they are year round-unless I need to wear a bathing suit-legs). I thought it was bad when I went on an every three week arm pit shaving cycle... And it got really bad when I was failing to maintain two separate (but equal) eyebrows.
I knew it was bad--but not this bad.
All the extras that some (civilized) women call mandatory, well I have been calling them optional and let me just tell you, the hippie wave has hit me hard... TOO HARD!
Sure I'm lacking maitnance because, at this point, self-maintenance is very low on the priority scale. For example, my showers last about 3 minutes now and they are strictly business... Sadly, I can't say I am trying to make any sort of feminist statement or ANY statement for that matter, not deliberately anyway... But I am sure people are hearing it loud and clear... This thing, I am not trying to say, but am screaming at the top of my lungs and from the side of my face!
This statement says... "That lady doesn't give a FUCK! "
Really-truly that's what it says... It's not me... I don't talk like that... It's ma face!
And where am I going with all of this? Well, I will tell you... AND... I will show you!!!
I hope you are not eating while you are reading this.
I HAVE A FREAKIN' SPIDER ON THE SIDE OF MY FACE!
Can you even believe it?
If you know me... And didn't tell me (which is everyone)... We are not friends--anymore!
What happened??? How did I not see it!?
It was right there, not in front of... But ON my face.
It did not crawl on there over night... And just decide to post up. No it has been in the works, people... And no one told me! Fuck all of you-- And my husband who thinks all of my uglies are pretties, I can't believe you hadn't complimented me on this by now... How did YOU not see it? This falls right under the compliments I'd rather not receive category... You are the best at that- WHAT HAPPENED?
I am a total tarantula face... Disaster!
You know what I would have done? I would have asked you about it, that's what.
I would have said, " Um... Do you know about that? Are you AWARE?... Of what is going on over there???... On the left side? The mole? The a hairs, and such? You got that?"
WWRD... That's what I would have done! Like a GOOD FRIEND I would have gone there with you.
I don't know if I will ever be able to show my spider face in public again!