Searching the friggin' web for answers only to get tangled up in more mystery. Bouncing around this joint like a... Well, how 'bout, like a two year old kid without a sprained (or possibly fractured) ankle. Random reference? Not too much, because I am talking about Reese. He busted his foot-ish ankle area on Sunday and hasn't stood on it since! It is so SUPER SAD and frustrating (for him--more so then for me--but yes, for me too). We find out tomorrow the prognosis. I will let you know, mom, what the verdict is.
So, like I was saying, I was walkin' the web looking for the answers... You know? On how to be rich and famous, things like that. All I found were endless dark allies full of boring or overly inspirational blogs. Which in this case, for my purposes, the ones meant to inspire, became depressing. And the Boring ones well, there were JUST SO MANY of those. Because I was looking for clues on what to do with my own silly blog (not knowing why I still have one) I was lost. Oh jimmany this is not what I was looking for at all. I don't know what exactly I was looking for, all I know is that this was not it. I kinda knew this place was filled with them but the bombardment was excruciating!
Still looking for my blogging voice... Why do I even want one? Not quite sure. But I keep doing this for some reason. This is about as far as I have gotten with this dilemma... And I pretty much express it about every tenth time that I feel it. Statistically speaking that would make this a blogging about not knowing why I blog blog! Yep, that sounds about right. I guess in a way that may be inspiring to some... You can just pop by here if you are ever feeling scattered or indecisive and by comparison you will seem quite balanced. You will leave feeling refreshed and energized you will know exactly where you put those keys and all stars will be shinning down on you.
I guess Honesty- embarrassing honesty is what my shaky sarcastic voice sounds like. I really want to have something for someone... Most of all me I want to have an ounce of knowing-that I am doing something with some sort of purpose. But I have not found that here yet. I don't really know what I have created in this space... Perhaps a lovely scattered mess? That seems to be what comes most naturally everywhere else I go. I don't know why here would be any different. I think that the having to do this stuff consistently is the part that gets me all tizzied up... I feel frantic and pressured like I had better have something good... But I fill in the "I got nothing" spots with fake forced filler like... here ya go!... This is what I have been thinking about lately BS or "10 pretty things" which is really kinda boring... But I am not always gonna have meat people... or veggies or even a snack... Ok, enough with the food analogies I don't know how to make food sound bad--I love it too much! Basically what I am saying is I sometimes have blogs that I think are worthy of writing but mostly I don't...
I am not one of those moms bloggers who adopts special needs orphans, and hand stitches them tiny little prom dresses out of recycled organic cotton. I don't whip Sunday homeless pancake brunch to feed our cities hungry. I am not that mom who makes a new batch of play dough everyday, who go's to farmers market to sell my garden's bounty. I don't home school and hi-bryd ride share, or wake up at dawn and collect eggs and proceed to bake them into a variety of hearty carbs. I don't have any how-to-crafty advise or knitting patterns to share... I don't homebake hand pies or poop out Waldorf schools.
I am just not a perfect mom! And here is the clencher.... Are you ready?... If I were one of those Waldorf school poopers I certainly would not have time to blog about it!
So this is what I got for you today, another ambivalent blog about ambivalent bloging.